Seed

What of the value? What of the meaning?

“Would you rather somebody who was exactly like you in every way, or somebody who was nothing like you?”

We’re getting close now

Almost the end of a horrible week. I’m sure many would be glad its over, when we can return to our everyday lives. The prospect is sooo exciting. Totally.

When people tell you to do the right thing, what they don’t realize is that its never fine to just do the right thing. There’s always something more to it. A trick maybe, or a loophole. Maybe it’s about time to do the wrong thing for once. Comfort zones aren’t always what they’re cut out to be. If you always do the right thing, the only outcome you’ll ever get is your status quo all over again. Not that that’s a bad thing. But do you really want it?

Expediency?

Somehow it feels that way. It doesn’t matter what’s right or wrong anymore, it just has to feel good.

Exam-i-nation

So exams have officially begun, and already we’re two papers down. Despite all the complaining and whining about how the lack of study is gonna kill me for the exams that we’re all supposedly not looking forward to, I actually like exams. They offer a sense of purpose and meaning. Doing work or studying close to an exam date always seems that much more relevant and gratifying than weeks before. But I suppose it’s all part of that misguided sense of a lack of belonging?

Well, at least for a short two weeks it feels as if I have the weight of countless people on my back. Probably just my family, parents in particular. But who cares about their expectations, honestly? If you don’t feel good doing something, why bother doing it; then again, that’s rather hypocritical wouldn’t you think.

Oh well, time to study for history tomorrow. Long night ahead.

That Lonely Word

So. I’m confused.

Blah.

Did I ask too much?

More than a lot.

You gave me nothing,

Now it’s all I’ve got.

We’re one, but we’re not the same.

Well we hurt each other,

Then we do it again.

You say,

Love is a temple, Love is a higher law.

Love is a temple, Love is a higher law.

You asked me to enter, but then you make me crawl

And I can’t be holding on,

To what you got

When all you got is hurt.

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Different names

It’s not what you call it, it’s what it does to you in the end.

Pro/~mises

Today’s been a blah day. No work done, nothing consequential (much) achieved. Well, nothing pleasantly consequential that is. Promises are made for a reason; its a sign when those promises are broken with added discomforts. Oh well.

Tomorrow I have medical checkup for NS. It’s quite sobering how everything’s all happening to fast. One moment IB just started, and the influx of new students and new potential friends reaches a euphoria you didn’t expect. Everything in between is just details. Then the next moment, you realize you’ve almost reached the end of the line. It’s scary. Feeling prepared? Nah. Nobody’s really prepared for the future.

Your goals are like far-flung dreams that always seem within reach given just the right amount of effort. And yet, as the journey progresses you realize how impossible the rainbow is to chase. There’s no pot of gold at the end of it, just a patch of grass that seemed greener from afar. I can’t understand how something so elusive comes so easily to others, and it (kind of) makes me envious. The fear of losing all that you’ve worked for is precisely what keeps you from achieving what you’re working towards. Maybe we all need a dash of fearlessness, but we all know where too much of that leads you to don’t we?

Looking back, there’ve been so many mistakes made, and yet none of them ever seem to be repeated in quite the same way. How are we expected to learn from our mistakes when the one and only time those mistakes actually matter are when we make them? It’s ridiculous, to put it bluntly. Reminds me of poker:  You can almost never play the same hand in the same situation, but you can learn how to play the same player over and over again. But we I just never learn.

It’s always easier to rant on and on about how inadequate and hopeless the situation seems, than it is to do something about it. I’ve seen too many “convictions” and “determined declarations of change” to know that the loudest ones always bear an empty shell. Human beings are not meant to work alone, that much is for sure. It’s a sad predicament of society that the fear of playing the fool and being outcasted is what outcasts us.

But isn’t life just so full of such predicaments? Maybe God’s just playing with us. I just hope I’m played the right way.

Creed

Church sermons, no matter how boring, can sometimes strike a chord when you least expect it. Amidst the airy fairy nonsense and the usually exaggerated speech, you can sometimes find little snippets of reality. And they hit you, hard.

No more, everything will change. At least for the remainder of this holiday.

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