Pro/~mises

Today’s been a blah day. No work done, nothing consequential (much) achieved. Well, nothing pleasantly consequential that is. Promises are made for a reason; its a sign when those promises are broken with added discomforts. Oh well.

Tomorrow I have medical checkup for NS. It’s quite sobering how everything’s all happening to fast. One moment IB just started, and the influx of new students and new potential friends reaches a euphoria you didn’t expect. Everything in between is just details. Then the next moment, you realize you’ve almost reached the end of the line. It’s scary. Feeling prepared? Nah. Nobody’s really prepared for the future.

Your goals are like far-flung dreams that always seem within reach given just the right amount of effort. And yet, as the journey progresses you realize how impossible the rainbow is to chase. There’s no pot of gold at the end of it, just a patch of grass that seemed greener from afar. I can’t understand how something so elusive comes so easily to others, and it (kind of) makes me envious. The fear of losing all that you’ve worked for is precisely what keeps you from achieving what you’re working towards. Maybe we all need a dash of fearlessness, but we all know where too much of that leads you to don’t we?

Looking back, there’ve been so many mistakes made, and yet none of them ever seem to be repeated in quite the same way. How are we expected to learn from our mistakes when the one and only time those mistakes actually matter are when we make them? It’s ridiculous, to put it bluntly. Reminds me of poker:  You can almost never play the same hand in the same situation, but you can learn how to play the same player over and over again. But we I just never learn.

It’s always easier to rant on and on about how inadequate and hopeless the situation seems, than it is to do something about it. I’ve seen too many “convictions” and “determined declarations of change” to know that the loudest ones always bear an empty shell. Human beings are not meant to work alone, that much is for sure. It’s a sad predicament of society that the fear of playing the fool and being outcasted is what outcasts us.

But isn’t life just so full of such predicaments? Maybe God’s just playing with us. I just hope I’m played the right way.

~ by semiscenic on June 17, 2009.