I understand now. Completely. solemnly. Fully. What a time to finally realize it, but I guess it’s as good a time as any. None of the cliches shall be repeated here. Maybe the intention’s the same, but there’s no point in aggravating it right now. Not here, anyway. It has a comforting quality to it, writing. You don’t need somebody on the other end, and yet you can speak freely. Your words and thoughts are given life so to speak, instead of disappearing somewhere in your mind.

Merry christmas to you too, whoever’s reading this. I hope nobody does, because it wasn’t meant for you anyway. Christmas should come with a restart button gift-wrapped and ribbon-bound.

I need somebody.

So.. post-IB life. It doesn’t really feel very different. Somehow, I thought the extra freedom would mean I’d finally have a chance. In a way, I sorta did. But something’s just not there. Something’s just not right. It’s like you’re all there, and yet I could’ve easily seen somebody else. Maybe I was the one that wasn’t there all along.

gab. says:
eh
last game                            

 
wes?? time for miracles! says:
nah
i really
must study lol 

 
gab. says:
last game
pls
wes
1 time
for me

 
wes?? time for miracles! says:
dowan lah serious
if i last game now

 
gab. says:
lats 1

 
wes?? time for miracles! says:
i wont study for today

 
gab. says:
..

 
wes?? time for miracles! says:
nah
sry
lol

 
gab. says:
serious la
why not

 
wes?? time for miracles! says:
cuz
i will have no mood
now i really
got mood

 
gab. says:
dude
serious
last game

 
wes?? time for miracles! says:
cant lah
maybe tmrw
i’m gonna
log off msn lol bb

Thirteen days. Not that much time left, and yet it still feels like forever. There’s an ocean of knowledge awaiting, but a severe lack of capacity (or maybe just a lack of determination) for absorbance. Listless and bored. Deng beckons.

Everything stops, no motion, no sound, no words. There’s not a whisper around the corners, or a tremble in the air. Who knew we’d be in such a blitz so soon? There’s a soft thunder rolling somewhere in the back, reminding me that I’m still here. Just under two weeks, and the entire span of existence can more or less be summed up in nine days. Frightening.

A smile. A hello. A couple of brief exchanges. Indifference. The long haul. A new beginning. Something more than nothing. Hope. Trust. Excitement. Future. A promised end. Confusion. Letdown. Disappointment. Windfall. Revival?

Nah.

Indifference.

Not a good day already. I’ve been forced to cut my hair, I had to rush to school after an insane stomachache and waking up late, walked into pat thong (fucking bitch) on the way to math, found out I probably died for math, got confirmation that I actually DID die for chem, realized for like the millionth time I’m really really screwed for IB, and a myriad of other trivial things. Oh and guess what, I just watched Cinderella Story. My previous post was so wrong, life’s not like a movie. At least not the movies I watch.

You don’t have to understand something to feel the emotion, the meaning, behind it. You just need to be there, to take it in.

Somewhere along the way we built up these perceptions of the people and things around us. Whether it was experience, what we were told, or simply blind prejudice, we painted our own little mental images and burnt it into our memories. “Never judge a book by its cover” right? Its been enlightening.

Life’s like a movie. There’s a beginning; introduction of the characters, characterization, setting, themes. Then there’s the body; expansion of the plot, development of the characters, complication of the plot structure. Finally, there’s the climax; an eventual congregation of all the key characters in a single moment, with a juicy, unexpected twist to go with it. Cliched, but the genre defines the ending. I wish soaps weren’t in vogue.